Have you ever felt like “God. I don’t know what You are doing. I don’t know what to feel and I don’t know what to do.”
I did recently. I was in a place where I didn’t know why God was still allowing certain things to happen in my life. To be completely honest, I was angry. I was angry with God but I was angrier with myself for being angry with God. Because you see the thing was I knew that none of what was happening was His fault.
I knew He was good. I knew He was just. I knew He loved me. I knew that whatever was happening was because of something that I did or didn’t do that kept Him from being able to move me forward and away from the situation I was in.
But I didn’t understand clearly what I did and why I was even in it still. So I was confused (well not confused but lost) and so I was upset. I didn’t know what I was doing wrong because I thought I had been doing everything right so I was entering this place where for a couple of days I just didn’t want to feel anything.
And one day I broke down. And after that day I started to feel better. God started to show me things I had been blind to. He started to show me where I was wrong and how that was stopping Him from being able to fix things.
And so today I’m going to tell you what I did that day. What I did to break my semi-hardened heart. These are not things “you have to do” but suggestions of what you can do when God is doing something or allowing things that you don’t understand, so that you don’t lose faith but open your eyes and ears to what He is telling and showing you through this.
Bear It All Out There
That day I got in my room, closed the door, sat on my floor, and told God exactly what I was thinking and exactly what I was feeling.
Tell Him the truth. Yes you have to have reverence I mean He is God but He wants to hear you. Let it all out to Him. Who better than God to tell the truth to? God is not scared of your feelings, no matter what they are! He knows what we are thinking and feeling before we even say it but sometimes He wants you say it, so you know what you are actually feeling. He wants you to be able to express yourself to Him, to break down your walls through communication so you can hear Him speak because He will be listening.
“Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart. “
Sing His Praises
The next day, all I did that day was play some worship music! To be completely honest I did not want to but I played the whole Starlight (Live) album by Bethel. And I did not sing along once! I spent the time that the album was playing thinking about how I knew that everything in the lyrics were true. That God is good. He loves me. He is always with me and He is able. However, because of my feelings that day I couldn’t sing without bursting into tears but I listened anyway. And this helped me because although I wasn’t singing I knew those things about God were true. This also made it so I couldn’t fill my mind or my mouth with complaints or lies like God doesn’t love me or He is not with me because I was letting the truth enter my ears. So singing His praises or hearing His praises, whether in song or by listening to the Bible, will put you in a place where you can’t deny the truths about God. And I believe the more you hear those truths whether you are in the mood or not you start to feel better and the lies start to unravel before you.
“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”
Read the Word
Later that week I was praying at night to God telling Him how I still didn’t understand and the only thing that came to my mind was the book of James. So I read the whole book, in the middle of the night. And the answers were all right there! I’m not saying this book specifically is what you have to read but just read the Word. Pray and ask God what book He wants you to read. The answers are in there. He speaks to you through His Word. He gave us the all the answers. All we have to do is open it and start reading.
“Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.” Ronald Reagan
“Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”
Keep on Having Hope
This one is the hardest but the most necessary. I’m at this place right now where I am hoping, I am believing. It can be so hard to do but we can’t keep living life wanting God to do things and not believing that He will. We can’t be divided. We can’t pray to God and then keep complaining about things. And we can’t expect that because we do all of these things or other things that God will just do what we want. We just need to believe that He will, but overall we must trust in God’s will over our will. We need to keep our hope in Him. Because He is good, He loves us, He is always with us, and He is always there for us. So believe!
“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.”
– James 1:12
These are not the steps to understanding what God is doing when you don’t understand, but these are suggestions to keep your heart pointed toward God. When you do not understand situations you are in, you need to surrender to God everything you have even if it’s not a lot.
All of these suggestions involve surrender. (The only thing that I’m saying to do that is not a suggestion is to surrender!)
When you don’t know what God is doing or don’t understand do not put your guard up. Instead, surrender to Him whether in these four ways or other ways.
Surrender your anxieties, your worries, your pride, your fears. Give it all to Him and He will be there to answer you, to show you, to teach you, and help you but most importantly to love you.