What Does The Bible Say About Helping Others Too Much?

As Christians, we are called to lay down our lives for others. We happily do this because of the great love Christ showed us in his death on the cross. Jesus came to serve us so we can serve others. Of course, sometimes, this requires sacrifice and wisdom on our part. Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to help someone too much? How do we know when we shouldn’t serve someone? Here is what the Bible says about helping others too much. 

We are called to love and sacrifice for others

The Bible teaches us, as followers of Christ, to love and sacrifice for others. This includes being generous with our money and time and helping others in need, often without expecting anything in return. We do this not out of compulsion but because we love Christ. 

• The generous will themselves be blessed, for they share their food with the poor. (Proverbs 22:9 NIV)

•  Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due,  when it is in your power to act. (Proverbs 3:27 NIV)

• Whoever shuts their ears to the cry of the poor will also cry out and not be answered. (Proverbs 21:13 NIV)

• Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. (James 1:27 NIV)

Christians are also taught to help other believers, being mindful of our brothers and sisters in our local church family who might need help whether a financial or physical need or even the need for encouragement or friendship. The point is that we should be aware of others and ready to help whenever we can. 

• By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. 1 John 3:16
• My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. (John 15:12, 13 NIV)
• Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality. (Romans 12:13 NIV)

It’s easy to serve ourselves, but not always easy to serve others, particularly when inconvenient. The good news is that Christ gave us the Holy Spirit to help us in our times of weakness when we don’t feel like serving others. 

• That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:10-11 NIV)

• In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. (Romans 8:26 NIV)

Jesus lived on earth for thirty-three years. He knows life’s difficulties and the challenges of dealing with people. 

• As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103: 13-14 NIV)

Imitators of Jesus

Christ is the ultimate example of sacrificial love. Scripture encourages us to be like him in our relationships with other believers.

• In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:  Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant,  being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death— even death on a cross! (Philippians 2:5-8 NIV)

Christ sent his the Holy Spirit to guide and help us. This is especially true when it comes to serving others. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit may lead us not to help someone. 

• And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—  the Spirit of truth. (John 14:15-17 NIV)
• But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. (John 14:26 NIV)

When do we draw the line?

A pastor told the story of a Christian couple in his church who were struggling financially. The husband, he found out, was visiting bars regularly, where he’d spend his paycheck. It left the wife and kids without food and rent. The church provided food for many months and paid their rent, but the husband refused to change. Finally, with the wife’s agreement, the pastor told the man the church wouldn’t provide for them anymore. It would be up to him to provide for his family. The wife had enough money to feed her kids popcorn for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next few weeks. Every day, when the husband came home from the bar, he found out the kids were eating popcorn for their meals. Eventually, he felt convicted of his sin and repented, gave up his sinful lifestyle, and started providing for his family. This story reminds us that sometimes withholding help can encourage someone to repent and change, but that’s not always the case. 

Generally, the Bible encourages us to be ready to help anyone in need. Of course, there may come a time when you sense from the Holy Spirit that helping a fellow Christian will be detrimental to them or someone else because of 

Their lack of character

They may lack character, such as being divisive in the church. Helping them encourage this behavior rather than deter it. You should explain to them that what they’re doing is sin according to Scripture and appeal to them to repent. 

• Warn a divisive person once, and then warn them a second time. After that, have nothing to do with them. (Titus 3:10 NIV)

Due to their sinful behavior

If you find that a Christian brother or sister you’re helping is participating in a sinful lifestyle such as drunkenness, cheating, greed, or abuse, you must withdraw your help from them. It’s important to explain why you are withdrawing help and appeal to them to repent from their sinful lifestyle.  

• For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: “The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat.” We hear that some among you are idle and disruptive. They are not busy; they are busybodies. Such people we command and urge in the Lord Jesus Christ to settle down and earn the food they eat. And as for you, brothers and sisters, never tire of doing what is good. (2 Thessalonians 3:10-13 NIV)

Of course, both these situations are geared more towards Christians who are living in sin. When dealing with unbelievers, you may apply some of the same standards, but since they aren’t followers of Christ, they won’t understand or believe Scripture or have the ability to change without the power of the Holy Spirit. It may be a good time to share the gospel with them.

You need the Holy Spirit to guide you in these situations. As you grow in your faith, you will be able to discern who is generally in need and who is using their needs as an excuse for their sins.

• I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves. (Matthew 10:16 NIV)

Enabling others

It’s important not to enable others by helping them if they’re immature or choosing a sinful lifestyle.  Enabling them ultimately hinders their growth in Christ and allows them to avoid changing. When you’re trying to discern if you should help someone, it may be helpful to ask yourself some questions, such as

• What do they generally need right now? (money, time, encouragement)
• Am I the person to help them? Or is there a better person to help them? 
• What is their motive for asking me to help them? 
• How long should I commit to help them? 
• Should I get another more mature Christian involved to help them, too? 
• Will this provide for their physical needs or wants? 
• Should I give money? 
• When should I step back from helping them and allow them to function without help? 
• Should I bring their needs to my pastor or community leader to get more people involved in helping them? 
• Are they trying to help themselves, or are they dependent on me for help? 
• Is it time to allow them to flounder even though things are bad and they need help? Will this cause them to step up and help themselves? 

Keep yourself pure

A friend tells the story of helping a family who lived in his apartment complex. The family told my friend about their lack of finances due to the dad’s poor health, so my friend started buying food for them every week. Over the course of months, my friend spent hundreds of dollars on food for these people. He shared the gospel with them and invited them to church.  One evening, when my friend walked by their apartment building, he noticed the father standing by the trash dumpster with some shady-looking individuals. It became clear to my friend that the dad was dealing drugs. My friend realized he’d be dupped and stopped buying the family food. It was a lesson in discerning a real need. My friend continued to invite them to church, noticing the family seemed to have plenty of food when he stopped by. They always refused his invitation to church and eventually moved on to another town. 

Of course, both unbelievers and Christians can manipulate you or make you feel guilty for not helping them, whether intentionally or unintentionally. It’s important not to get pulled into their sinful lifestyle while trying to help. Or you may need to withhold help under certain circumstances.  

Do not be hasty in the laying on of hands, nor take part in the sins of others; (1 Timothy 5:22 ESV)

Saying no

For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. (2 Thessalonians 3:10 NKJV) 

There are times we need to say no to helping others. It takes discernment and wisdom to know what a person’s real need is and if you can meet it. It may be good to 

1. Pray before you help someone. Ask God for wisdom about how to help. Someone may say they need money, but what they really need is a mature Christian to spend time with them going over their budget. 
2. Ask another Christian for their input. It’s always good to bounce your ideas off someone else.
3. Be ready to help even if it’s difficult. God often calls us to help others when it’s difficult or inconvenient. He will give you the strength to help someone in need. 

Conclusion

God calls Christians to lay down our lives for others. Jesus exemplifies this by laying down his life for us on the cross. He came to serve us so we can now serve others in need. It may be inconvenient and require sacrifice on our part, but he promises to give us the grace and strength to serve even when it is difficult. Often, the people we help don’t reciprocate, but we know we are ultimately serving God. 

Helping someone may be giving them our money or our time, or it could encourage them to walk with the Lord. Of course, there are situations when we shouldn’t help others due to their sinful lifestyle or poor choices. We can explain why we can’t help and encourage them to repent. If someone is manipulating us or drawing us into their sinful choices, we must stop helping them. We can get advice from a fellow Christian before we help someone or ask ourselves strategic questions about what they need. All in all, the best posture is to be ready to help someone in need but use discernment so you know when your help may be detrimental to them.