God’s Word gives us a ton of helpful insight on what we should do to become godly men and women. One thing we sometimes wish we knew more about though would be how to find one.
Finding a good wife or husband who loves the Lord and lives a life that is honorable is surely no easy task. As a wife myself, I will give you eight things to look for in a godly man that my husband and I find valuable.
“All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” – 2 Timothy 3:16-17
First, knowing he loves the Lord and has a deep relationship with Him matters the most.
Of course, right? Not as simple as you might make it. If you meet a guy, really get to know him. Ask him a ton of questions. When did He accept Christ? Where does he go to church? How does his relationship with Jesus change his day to day life? Get to know who he is at his core. Obviously, don’t ask him about every detail of his life story on the first date. However, it is so easy nowadays for anybody to say they are a Christian but not actually live that lifestyle. So, make sure you know that He will continue to pursue The Lord in the future if things were to progress between you two.
Does he embrace the Lord as the most important relationship in his entire life? Would he let go of anything else, even you, if that’s the direction the Lord was leading him?
“Set your minds on things above not on earthly things. For you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” Colossians 3:2-3
He Honors Your Purity.
Psalm 119:9 NIV, “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.”
Easier said than done right? I am not going to act for one second like temptation is not all around us in every waking moment. It’s in our music, movies, books, advertisements, just about anything you can think of. The devil has made it a normal in our society which makes more people think “It’s a different time than it was back then,” “Everybody does it these days”, or “My boyfriend and I have been together for so long, we are practically married anyway.” I want you to know though, that is not how God designed us to be. Find a guy that sees the temptations around him but instead of just giving in, strives to share himself with one person in marriage. If a guy has a past full of conflict with purity, but you see growth in them, don’t immediately condemn them. A rough history isn’t a guaranteed disqualification for husband material, but not everyone is called to love someone through those struggles. If you feel like the Lord leads you to continue pursuing a relationship with them, be sure to encourage them in their faith daily. Constantly be praying for your minds to be defended from Satan’s distractions. Indulge in the Word and guard your hearts.
Matthew 26:41 NIV, “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Find a man who doesn’t depend solely on himself, but on God, to help him overcome his temptations.
He Is a Visionary.
Proverbs 3:5-6 ESV “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Being a visionary, or at least having goals, is important because this shows he is not complacent with where he is in life right now. When getting to know a guy, ask him what he has in mind for his future. What career is he working toward? Is he attending college? How does he plan to honor God with his choices? Does he embrace God’s leadership in his life? Eventually, ask him what he thinks about starting a family (This is important in case one of you wants kids and the other one doesn’t, that’s a big decision!) Then listen to how he talks about these topics. Is he passionate about what he is on track for? A visionary will generally be excited about the idea of seeing what he is most zealous for come to life when he talks about it.
Humility For Sure.
Philippians 2:3 NIV, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.”
There’s a good reason there are so many verses in the Bible that mention humility. Humility is very honorable in a man because it shows he loves God and those around him more than himself. This does not mean he puts himself down or has low self-esteem. It’s actually quite the opposite. It shows he has enough confidence to put others needs before his own but still feels sustenance from The Lord!
He Must Always Be Seeking Discipleship.
2 Timothy 2:2 ESV, “And what you have heard from me in the presence of many witnesses entrust to faithful men, who will be able to teach others also.”
Discipleship is extremely important. As my husband says, “Discipleship is the communication of life. My husband has been discipled by his dad since his teenage years and as a result, now disciples other young men also. I never would have learned the importance of discipleship if he had not been taught himself. That is what The Great Commission is all about. Jesus calls us to make disciples so that they would make disciples as well. Look for a man who knows he needs other godly men to invest in him, and in turn invests his life into others.
Integrity Is Important.
Philippians 4:8 NIV, “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right. whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
Look for a man with integrity. He will be respectful, honest, honorable and have high morals. With this man, you will probably never think to yourself, “I wonder if this is legal.” He will always be honest with you, even if the truth is painful. He will not be a different man when in different crowds. Christ is glorified by the man who lives a life of integrity.
He Has Leadership Skills. And Seeks To Serve Those He Leads.
Matthew 20:26 NLT, “But among you, it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first among you must become your slave- just as the Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve others, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”
When a man claims to be a leader but doesn’t first think of himself as a servant, it is just a fancy way of covering up his pride. A servant leader puts others before himself, he has compassion for everyone and lifts up others accomplishments. He takes initiative, but he also listens to the counsel of those wiser than him and is most critical of himself, not others. He loves wholeheartedly, and he makes both of your relationships with Christ priority.
At The Core of Who He Is, He Is Selfless.
1 Corinthians 10:24 ESV, “Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.”
1 Corinthians 9:19 NLT, “Even though I am a free man with no master, I have become a slave to all people to bring many to Christ.”
Luke 9:23 NLT, “Then he said to the crowd, “If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross daily, and follow me.”
A selfless man finds the smallest ways to serve others, even if it means putting aside his own needs. He is constantly looking to glorify God through his actions. He tries his hardest to rid himself of any selfishness by showing the grace of God and the forgiveness he has received. Knowing he is a sinner, just like everyone else, he lays his life down for those around him, in the same way that Christ did for us.
Hope this list of important qualities in a Godly Man helps you! What other God-Honoring traits would you add to the list?